Territorial Bloggings

Bleak thoughts fill my head
Unrelenting dark attacks
Yet this I deserve

Sin permeates me
Despair at what I have done
I alone must pay

Then, I remember
Look to the Cross, and rest
Easter morn has come!

-ghp

This is why Charles Schulz was a genius, and why I identify so strongly with Charlie Brown…

-ghp

Church this morning was a mix of good and bad things. But I guess that’s to be expected isn’t it…

The good:

• The new LSBs were in the pews, and we sang all the hymns from them. They’ll be dedicated next week, and I would guess that in about a month or two we’ll start to see the use of liturgies right from the book. This is cool. This is good.
• The sermon was a very good application of Law & Gospel, with the Law convicting us of our inability to walk Jesus’ walk, and the Gospel sweetly comforting us & keeping us safe in the sure knowledge that when God looks at us, He sees Jesus and the results of His walk, not the failure of ours.
• The Lord’s Supper, the celebration of which is always a comfort.

The bad (or at least not-so-good):

• Pre-service music included “God Bless America”, which of course meant that someone had to stand up & implore everyone to, “Sing the words everyone!” I really don’t like it when the pre-service preparations are disturbed by this type of thing (sort of like how I detest it when folks clap after a chorale during the service), even if/when/though well-meaning. Neither do I like it when nationalistic stuff from the Left-hand Kingdom bleeds over into the Right-hand Kingdom.
• Post-Benediction recitations of pledges of allegiance to the Christian and American flags. I’m not a big fan of services on/around July 4. I’m proud to be American and I’m certainly thankful that God saw fit to bless me & my family by being Americans. However, I still don’t like having the divine service turned into a service of nationalistic cheerleading. Frankly, once I enter into the sanctuary, I wouldn’t care if the folks worshipping with me are Americans, Germans, Turks, or even Iraqis. What matters in that context is that they are fellow Christians. My goodness, what if a foreign national had been there today? I dare-say that they would’ve been unnecessarily offended by the unwarranted nationalism on display.
• A reminder/update on the process of finding a DCE. This is an ongoing thing that is causing a not-small amount of angst within the congregation, as well as amongst some of the boards. To get into it in any more detail here would be neither productive, nor proper, so I’ll just leave it that it continues to be a thorn in my side.
• Helping serve the Lord’s Supper. It’s part of my duties as a member of the Board of Elders, but it’s one that I’ve never gotten fully comfortable with, as I’m a supremely unworthy sinner. I wish that I didn’t feel so conflicted about these duties, but that probably won’t happen until such a time as we change up how the elements are distributed.
• Non-Every Sunday celebration of the Lord’s Supper. I wish that we could get to the point where folks understood that offering the Supper every Sunday is the right & proper thing to do. I truly don’t understand how some can argue that offering it at every service somehow devalues it by making it more “common”. Is the air we breathe less “special” and/or “meaningful” merely because it’s so abundantly common? I think not.
• The Territorial Daughter being squarely in a phase where she really, really doesn’t want to go to church. This makes every Saturday night/Sunday morning a battleground – one that makes me feel both powerless and like a failure.

All in all, it wasn’t all that bad. It’s just that the things that irritate me are very difficult for me to set aside, even (especially?) when I know that I should.

-ghp

[tags]christianity, church, lutheran, music[/tags]

I love visiting Fort Wayne, largely because it gives me (at the very least) the opportunity to drive through the campus of CTSFW. There is something about being on the campus of that seminary that I find almost indescribably sublime. It’s calming, comforting, & inspiring. (And if I make it into the bookstore, frustrating and/or costly!)

I’m drawn to it in such a way that I really do (I think) understand the allure of monasticism, or at least the desire to “escape the real world” and steep oneself in an environment that is (one would think/hope) more theologically & doctrinally safe/pure.

Now, I certainly know that it is still in & of this world, and that it’s still a place populated by sinners. It’s just that it feels like such a respite from the daily grind, such a safe haven, that it’s hard for me not to feel a certain sense of longing. At least for what it represents in my mind, anyway…

-ghp

Sure, all the blogging guides say you shouldn’t post something just to say that you haven’t been posting anything, but what’s the fun in running your own blog if you can’t do whatever you want whenever you want why-ever you want? I’m just saying…

Some more questions & answers…

Still watching TAR:AS? Yup. I’m rooting for Cha3 (aka Danny & Oswald) & my Blondes. I’m shocked & appalled that Schmirna is still in the race & prospering, as I would’ve much preferred my “villains” to be the Guidos or Teri & Ian. Cha3 & my Blondes more than make up for that, however, as they are both teams that are entertaining to watch & easy to root for, ’cause they are such strong racers with good personalities.

Still watching The Apprentice? Sure, although I really think that the show’s concept is played out. The changes made by The Donald for this go-around (LA, tent city, no Carolyn or George, winning PM as 2nd boardroom viceroy…) have not panned out. The showmance between Tim & Nicole was only vaguely interesting. And The Donald’s penchant for bending his own rules (ala this past week’s change from firing a team of 2 to firing 1 from each of the 2 bottom teams) is just annoying. After 6 seasons, The Donald’s oft capricious actions are not as entertainingly endearing as they once were.

Still watching Survivor? Of course. The current installment is certainly not the best/most interesting that they’ve ever broadcast, but it’s still fun to watch. I think they’d be better off if they stopped stunt-casting for some preconceived notions of “diversity” and focused on getting folks who love & want to play the game, though…

Still depressed? Eh. It’s up & down. It’s downright bizarre at times to be aware on a logical plane that I’m mired in a dysfunctional mindset, and to know that I should do something about it (even what I should do to fight/stop it…), but to be ultimately unable to just, you know, do it. It really adds to the whole mix & makes it snowball even more. As pretentious as it sounds, sometimes being too aware is just flat out worse than not being aware at all.

Surely church helps, no? Well, yes, ultimately. I do, however, feel very aware of Satan’s influence in trying to get me to dwell too much on the fact that I’m a hopeless sinner. I.e., focus on the fact that I cannot effect my own salvation, so why even try. The good thing is that, even at the worst, God is gracious enough to never leave me to my own devices – He always keeps that seed of faith alive in me so that I don’t totally succumb to the despair sowed by the enemy. So, even as it’s always a struggle, I’m fully safe & comforted in the knowledge that God will allow me to prevail through His grace.

How are the wife/kids? Good. A sizable part of what keeps me going is that I know that I have vocational responsibilities as husband/father. Even as I might despair at my ability to successfully execute those vocations, I know that I must keep trying, and that God will use even my feeble efforts for the good of my beloved family. I thank God every day for the blessing of my family and the fact that they love me even though I so often feel like a failure.

Getting things done? I’m trying to still get that properly systematized & implemented. I can see that the structure that GTD affords/encourages is something that will benefit me in the hopefully not-so-distant future. It’s tough, though, because keeping track of things doesn’t equal actually doing them. And there’s an awful lot that I don’t necessarily want/like to do. It sucks how life is like that…

Gonna keep blogging? Certainly. Even when I’m in a phase right now of wondering why I keep such close tabs on traffic/hits/readership stats. It’s a useful outlet for me, even though I can’t be quite as forthright as I sometimes want to be (for example, I try not to blog about work, because I’m a bit paranoid about there somehow being negative blowback from entries dealing with how I feel about work…). I struggle with the “why” of doing this sometimes, particularly WRT theology. I want to be useful/helpful, even as I also want to selfishly show how obviously smart & learned I am. The thing is, when I get too far into the selfish motivational side of things, I tend to worry about stats & I get easily frustrated. I don’t ever want to write something just because I think it’ll somehow get more people to read. Ultimately, I just want to write what interests me, and what I feel like writing, and then just be satisfied with what happens in terms of stats/traffic/readership. Oh yeah, and make big sis giggle…

That’s enough for now. Time to start preparing for tonight’s AI presentation of “Sanjy on the block”…

-ghp

Days like today make me yearn for the days when I was blissfully ignorant enough to avoid getting entangled in Church/Congregational politics.

We had a voter’s meeting today, and it’s bothering me way too much. I guess I just have a hard time with having to face non-theological (much less illogical) arguments & appeals. I’ve been replaying some of the events, statements, and positions over & over in my mind most of the afternoon, just trying to process it. And I’m still having trouble. I think it’s largely because many of the arguments were couched in non-theological terms. Emotionalism was a significant component, one that was driving some perspectives that (I think) were too tactical & narrow in their foci.

One of the problems that I have with what Waltherian Lutheranism (as practiced in the LCMS) has (de)evolved into over the past 150 or so years (especially in the past 50), is that so many things of a theolocial/doctrinal nature are being decided via majority vote. Theology is not determined by getting the most votes, or at least it shouldn’t be. Doctrine is not to be decided by who can sway the most folks to their side. Far too many things & decisions are mis-identified (purposefully or not) as not really being doctrinal or theological. The Kingdoms of the Left & Right get mixed-up, rather than being properly identified & separated. Who leads an adult Bible class is a matter of doctrine/theology. Whether or not to put on a new roof is not.

It is truly amazing to see just how many factions, undercurrents, and (un/ill-informed) points of view can exist in a relatively small congregation. I could live with being disproven by clear examples from Scripture & Confessions (despite my oftentimes arrogant & know-it-all demeanor, I am quite open to correction…), but I can’t quite be winsome when confronted with illogical and/or emotionalistic appeals.

Right now, I’m wondering why I try to be involved, when it seems quite obvious that I’m out of step with prevailing currents. Especially when existing LCMS bylaws & practices could be so easily leveled against the Scripture & Confessions-based stances that I endeavor to hold & espouse.

I’m still trying to process all this. And, fortunately for me (mayhaps not so much for you), I can use this blog as a place to try and put some shape & form to my thoughts.

More (maybe) later…

-ghp

Ah, the feeling of realized impending doom… I know it well.

On the positive side, these reruns of Peanuts truly do show the genius that Charles M. Schulz possessed — these strips hold up better than most contemporary comics page offerings!

-ghp

Why is it that whenever something goes wrong in a person’s life or the life of a family, the first instinct even of Christians is to say, “You need to get some counseling” meaning, “You need to get therapy.”

The devil is outraged by absolution and the Lord’s Supper, basically, by the grace of God. He cannot stand to see Christians rejoicing in God’s grace or receiving absolution or forgiveness in the Lord’s Supper.

These quotes come from two recent posts by Rev. Beisel over at One Lutheran… Ablog!. These posts are quite good, and amazingly well-related (I’m not sure if Pr. Beisel intended the linkage, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he did, ’cause he’s good…).

I think that the second quote is a source reason for the first. More simply put, Satan attempts to drive us from the foot of the cross by convincing us that our problems are not a matter of our sinfulness, and, thus, confession & absolution aren’t needed; rather, we need to turn the focus inward onto what we can do to heal ourselves.

That’s not to say that many problems (say, mental illness) aren’t physical/medical, mind you — to do that would be foolishly ignorant. It’s more accurate to state, however, that we are constantly tempted to deflect the source of the problem away from ourselves at the same time that we try to usurp the authority to fix the problem.

C&A works. It’s God’s gift to us, because He loves us. Satan cannot abide that, and must try to subvert it by keeping us from it. Unfortunately, he’s been all too successful, as proven by the dearth of individual C&A in our congregations, and the number of worship services that have jettisoned even the corporate C&A.

-ghp

Despair is a horrible thing — I think we can all agree on that.

I’ve been in a particularly wretched mood today. The kind of a day & mood when every little thing is a struggle, even (especially?) when you know that it’s something that needs to be done. Going to church was a struggle, where only my obligation to “elder” was enough to get me there (though it wasn’t enough for me to properly execute my vocation as head-of-household, but like I said, it wasn’t the best of days…). The LORD more than made it worthwhile, graciously serving me with His gracious gifts via a faithful undershepherd’s execution of TLH p.15. There was also a reminder of how God gives us opportunities to serve our neighbors. Despite all that good stuff, I still felt Satan nipping at my heels…

Even as I was stuck in the wretched mood of, let’s be honest, despair, I still had a certain sense of detachment in which I was able to analyze it. To be honest, I wasn’t all that happy about the detachment, as it fed somewhat back into the loop, adding some feelings of guilt. It’s just how I am. But I digress…

My analysis was this: Perhaps the worst part of despair is that it is so selfish. At its worst, despair can drive someone to think/believe that others would be better off without them – we’ve heard/read examples of this time & time again. It’s almost always not true. In point of fact, however, that is merely selfish window dressing – it’s sin in the form of trying to rationalize a way to stop one’s own pain. Acting out of despair inevitably causes more pain that could ever be imagined. It ends up destroying not only the individual, but also those around the individual. That’s gotta be why it’s such a favorite tool of Satan.

Goodness knows that I eagerly anticipate God calling me home, for I am secure in the hope that Christ won for me on the cross. There are days where I struggle with what faces me in this life. And I don’t even have that difficult of a life… I’ve been incredibly blessed, but sin has a way of insinuating itself into the very fabric of our being, such that we willingly lose sight of that which God has so graciously given us.

The Psalms are a wonderful source of strength & solace during times of despair. They contain such powerful descriptions of joy & despair that it’s impossible not to find comfort in them. The Psalmist obviously felt the same type of almost manic highs & lows as I/we do. During moods like today’s, I can almost feel the old & new Adams in me battle in hand-to-hand combat. In the same thought, I can go from heart-bursting joy in God’s love for me (“Christ died that I might live” , shouts the new Adam) to soul-crushing guilt from being such a weak & cravenly selfish creature (“How dare I be so ungrateful in the face of God’s gracious Will – I’ll never be worthy!” retorts the old Adam).

I’m about done with trying to reasonably articulate all this right now. I’ll close by saying that I think one way out of funks like that which hit me today is to try to, in whatever small way possible, focus on helping someone else. One of Satan’s greatest tactics is getting us to turn ever more inward. God put us here to serve our neighbors.

Isolation is never a truly good thing. May God bless me by helping me to always understand that.

-ghp
(who, at the moment, is feeling better…)